


I'm Not Going Anywhere

by donsboy



Category: CSI: NY
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-01
Updated: 2015-06-01
Packaged: 2018-04-02 06:36:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4049944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donsboy/pseuds/donsboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny and Jackson try to move on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Not Going Anywhere

The last thought that went through Don's mind before he passed out was of his guys. The paramedics finally got to him and determined that he was in shock from blood loss and they rushed him to the waiting ambulance. Once they reached the hospital, Don was rushed into surgery. Mac tried to reach Danny but only got voice mail. He was able to reach Jackson and gave him the news about Don. Jackson thanked him and left his shop to try and find Danny.

Danny was sitting in the window seat at home watching the traffic below. He'd just finished cleaning the apartment and was taking a break when he saw Jackson's car pull in. He saw Jackson running toward their building and wondered what the hell was going. A very short time later Jackson burst into the room yelling for Danny. He could see that Jackson was crying and went to him to find out what was wrong.....

“Hey hey hey..... what's going on, Little Bit?”

“Danny, we gotta go..... Donnie's been shot.....”

“WHAT????”

“Mac called me and said that Donnie had been taken to Mercy General because he'd been shot. He said that it was pretty bad because when the medics found him, he's passed out from blood loss.....”

Danny ran to the bedroom to get his wallet and some shoes. Jackson grabbed his hand and the two headed downstairs to Jackson's car.....

 

When they got to the hospital, Danny flashed his badge to find out where Don was. They stopped at the nurses' station and were told that Don was still in surgery and that the doctor would come talk to them as soon as possible. They sat down in the waiting area and Danny reached over and took Jackson's hand. He looked over and saw that Jackson was silently weeping. Danny gathered him up in a hug and whispered that everything was going to be alright. The two were talking quietly when Mac and Jo showed up asking if there had been any news.....

“Any word yet, Danny?”

“Not yet, Mac. We're still waiting for the doctor to come out. Don was in surgery when we got here. What happened?”

“We had a lead on a suspect, and we tracked him to the shipyard down by the docks. Don went one way and I went another. Somehow the guy got the jump on Don and had him cornered. I could hear Don yelling for the guy to drop his weapon, and then I heard gunshots. When I finally found them, Don had passed out and the suspect was gone. I called it in, and tried to revive Don but I couldn't.....”

“The most important thing is that you got help to him.....”

Just then, the door opened and a Dr. Phillips came in. He asked for the Flack party and all three men stood up. Introductions were quickly made and Jackson asked about Don.....

“Mr. Flack lost quite a lot of blood, but he came through the surgery well. He's very weak right and needs rest.....”

“Doc, can we see him?”

“Not yet, Danny..... he's still not out of the woods yet..... in cases like this, the body could still go into shock.”

“Dr. Phillips, what were the extent of Don's injuries?”

“We recovered five bullet fragments. He was shot twice in the shoulder, once on the right side, and twice in his right leg. The gunshot to his side did the most serious damage because it shattered three ribs and the rib fragments punctured his right lung. We recovered two slug fragments during the surgery.”

“I'll need those fragments for evidence.....”

“Of course. Come with me and I'll get them for you....”

“Danny, stay here with Jackson. I'll be right back.....”

 

After Mac left, Danny went over and sat down next to Jackson. He reached over and took Jackson's hand to let him know he was there. Jackson turned to him, kissed him on the cheek and with tears in his eyes said; “Doodle, I can't lose him.....”

“You're not going to, babe.....”

“But we don't know for sure.....”

“I trust Dr. Phillips, and so should you. He got him through surgery, right?”

“Yes, but.....”

“No “but”, babe.... it's gonna be okay..... you'll see.”

Danny pulled Jackson to him while the smaller man cried. He hated to see Jackson tore up about anything, but sure understood why he was tore up now. Danny was just as afraid of losing Don as Jackson, he was just hiding it well. As much as he loved his two guys, the thought of losing one of them terrified him.

Mac came back to the waiting room to find Danny holding Jackson who was silently weeping. Mac sat next to Danny and quietly asked how the two were. Danny replied that Jackson was scared to death, and he admitted that he was too. Mac told Danny that he knew what that was like. Danny knew Mac was referring to Claire, but didn't mention it. Mac told him that he was going back to the lab, and that Danny or Jackson were to call if they needed anything, or to update him on Don's condition.

After Mac left, Danny asked Jackson to see if he wanted anything from the cafeteria. Jackson said he'd rather have a smoke so they went out to the parking lot to Jackson's car. On the way back they found some vending machines and grabbed some snacks and a soda for each of them. As they were headed down the hall, they saw Dr. Phillips coming from the opposite direction. He followed them into the waiting room and said he had news regarding Don.....

“What is it, Doc?”

“Mr. Messer, Don's condition has worsened a bit, but he is awake. However, he is having trouble breathing, and we need to operate again because we've determined that the breathing problems are from his right lung.....”

“Isn't that the lung that was damaged in the shooting?”

“Yes, Jackson, it is.....”

“Doctor, could we see him?”

“I'll allow it very briefly. Please try to stay calm if you can because your being upset may worsen his condition. There is one more thing.....”

“What's that?”

“He may not make it through this surgery because his condition was bad enough when we operated, and now we've found that the lung damage was worse than we thought. I'll send the nurse in when you can see him.....”

Danny sat there staring at the door. This just couldn't be happening. He turned to Jackson and saw that he was staring into space, tears rolling down his cheeks. Before he could say anything, the nurse showed up and asked them to follow her. They arrived at Don's room and Jackson told Danny to go first. The nurse said that they needed to go together because they were taking Don into surgery as soon as the two men saw Don.

Danny opened the door and entered the room with Jackson right behind him. Don looked so small with all the bandaging and sheets around him. Danny took a step forward and Don opened his eyes.....

“Messer.....”

“Hey, babe.....”

“Where's Jackson?”

“I'm right here, Big Man.....”

“I'm sorry about all of this.....”

“Donnie, it's not your fault. You need to think about getting well and coming home.....”

“Baby, I will..... I promise.....”

“Don, we can't stay because you're going back into surgery. We just wanted to say that we love you so much, and that we'll be right here rooting for you.”

Danny walked to the bed and kissed Don, and Jackson did the same. Jackson couldn't help crying over the fact that Don was in such bad shape. As they walked to the door, Jackson turned back and winked at Don. Don smiled and tried to wink back.

As soon as they left the room, two nurses appeared to get Don ready for surgery. Danny and Jackson walked outside for some air, and Danny called Mac to let him know about Don. As they sat on the bench, Danny noticed that his friend and lover was preoccupied and just chalked it up to what was going on with Don. As Danny was getting ready to go back inside, Jackson began to speak.....

“Danny, please wait.....”

“What is it, babe?”

“What I'm about to say is just between us, okay?”

“Sure.... what is it?”

“I don't think Donnie's gonna make it through this second surgery.”

“What??? Of course he will! How can you say that?”

“My “gut feeling” is working overtime on this, and you know how that never steers me wrong...”

“Seriously?”

“Yes, Danny..... when they let us in to see Don, that feeling came over me.”

“Babe, for all our sakes, I hope your gut is wrong.....”

“Me, too, Dan, me too.....”

Danny kissed Jackson and the two headed back to the waiting room. They sat and talked for a while, and Danny had gone to get them something to eat. Mac, Jo, Adam, and Sheldon showed up while he was gone and were keeping Jackson company when he returned. The first thing Danny wanted to know was if the doctor had been in. Jackson said he hadn't, and that seemed to worry Danny a bit. He offered to share their food, but the others declined. Jackson and Danny had just finished eating when Dr. Phillips came into the waiting room.

Danny reached over and took Jackson's hand as the doctor made his way toward them. He squatted in front of Jackson and Danny and said; “Don didn't make it through the surgery. I did everything I could..... I'm so sorry.” Before anyone could say anything, he rose and headed for the door.....

“Dr. Phillips...”

“Yes, Det. Taylor?”

“What happened?”

“Don started having trouble breathing, and we determined that there was more damage than we thought so we went in to repair it. Don's lung was beyond repair. We tried to save it, but we failed.....”

With that, Dr, Phillips left the room. Mac turned back toward Jackson and Danny and saw that Jo and Adam were comforting the two men. Mac could see the two clinging to each other, and his heart hurt. He felt so badly for them because he knew first-hand what it was like to lose someone you loved. He walked over to the two men and asked the others for a moment with them alone.....

“Danny?”

“Yes, Mac?”

“I know exactly how you and Jackson feel right now, and I want you to know that if there is anything at all I can do then don't hesitate to get in touch with me any time, night or day.....”

“That means so much, Mac. Thank you.....”

“Don't mention it.....”

“Mac, I want you to know I appreciate everything you've done.....”

“It's no problem, Jackson.....”

Jackson and Danny stood up and Mac hugged them both. They all headed out into the hall and Jackson told Danny that he needed to get the arrangements started. Danny agreed and the two went to get started on that particularly sad errand......

 

Once they left the mortuary, Danny suggested that they go home and try to rest. Jackson was a bit apprehensive about going home, but didn't say anything to Danny. When they arrived, Jackson checked the mail while Danny rang for the elevator. They got inside and Danny pushed the button for their floor. The ride up was made in silence because each man was lost in his own thoughts. The elevator opened at their floor and Danny dug his keys out of his pocket. When they entered their apartment Jackson stopped just inside the front door. Danny turned and saw the tears begin to fall. He went over to Jackson and took him in his arms and held him while he cried.

Once Jackson had composed himself, Danny began to lose it. Jackson held him and comforted him knowing that it was only fair because Danny loved Don too. When he was finished, Danny went and washed his face and asked Jackson if he was hungry. Jackson said no and Danny decided he really wasn't either. He grabbed a beer for each of them and headed for the living room where Jackson had gotten their photo albums down and was looking at the photos of them in happier times when Don was still with them. They laughed and told stories about Don well into the night, and each man confessed to the other how much Don meant to them, not just in the group setting, but individually. When Danny realized how late it was, he suggested that they get some sleep. Jackson asked Danny if he minded sleeping in the guest room with him because he just couldn't face going into their bedroom. Danny said he thought that was a good idea and told Jackson he would meet him there. Jackson went to get the bed ready, and Danny made sure everything was locked up tight.

Danny put off joining Jackson as long as he could because he was afraid. Not of Jackson, but of what his dreams might bring to him. He knew he would dream of Don, and the thought of that hurt. He not only lost a lover, but a best friend as well. Danny knew he could talk to Jackson, but the man was going through his own special kind of hell at the moment. Danny headed down the hall to the guest room and found Jackson fast asleep. He undressed, turned out the light, and slid into bed gathering Jackson and holding him close. He vowed then and there to do his very best to keep Jackson safe and to see this thing through together.

The next morning dawned cool and rainy. Danny slipped out onto the fire escape for a smoke and shivered a bit. When he finished his smoke, he started water for a pot of tea for he and Jackson and went to wake his lover. He found that Jackson was in the bathroom taking a shower and he stepped into the bathroom, slipped off his clothes, and stepped into the shower. Jackson was startled when the curtain opened but smile when he realized it was Danny. He took Jackson into his arms and the two stood there for a moment drawing strength from each other for the day that lay ahead of them. 

After their shower, the two sat at the kitchen table trying to get a memorial service planned. Don was to be cremated as was his wish, but the guys knew that they needed a service so all of Don's associates and friends could pay their final respects. Just as they were about to wrap things up, the doorbell rang. Danny opened the door to find Mac standing there.....

“Mac! Come in.....”

“Hey, Danny..... how are you holding up?”

“I'm hangin' in there.....”

Mac nodded toward Jackson and looked at Danny questioningly.....

“He's doing better than I expected. We were trying to get a memorial service together.....”

“I don't want to intrude...”

“Forget about it! Little Bit, Mac's here to see us.....”

Jackson came into the living room and greeted Mac with a hug and an offer of a cup of tea. Mac accepted and Danny went to get it. Mac and Jackson sat on the sofa making small talk, and when Danny brought tea for everyone, Mac revealed the real reason he came by.....

“I came by to check on the two of you, and to find out if you all had finalized anything as far as a service for Don.....”

“Danny and I were working on that when you came by. Don wanted to be cremated, but Danny and I decided that we needed to have a service for everyone he worked with and various friends.”

“That's a very good idea..... do you need any help?”

“Quite possibly..... I want to have a small gathering after, and I'd really like it to be just close friends only. Maybe Jo and Lindsay could help get the food set up, and some of the others could help, too.”

“I don't think they would mind at all.....”

“I want them to know that even though Don is gone, I still consider them my friends and want them to take part in helping Danny and I say good-bye to Donnie...”

Jackson had to stop talking because the tears had started again. He tried to apologize to Mac but the words wouldn't come. Danny held Jackson as he cried it out, while Mac vowed in his mind to do everything he could to help the guys if at all possible. Mac realized he was running a bit late and told Danny not to hesitate if they needed anything at all. He thanked Mac and said he would call him later. Mac showed himself out and Danny went back to tending to Jackson.

Later that afternoon, the mortuary called to let them know Don's ashes were ready. Jackson asked that they be delivered to St. Michael's for the memorial service the following day. Danny called Mac to let him know when, where, and to let folks know. Mac told him that Jo, Lindsay, and some of the wives of the men Don worked with would be delivering food early the next morning. Danny thanked him and told Jackson. The two men spent a quiet evening alone with Danny keeping a close eye on Jackson. He'd lost one man he loved, and he'd be damned if he was going to lose the other one. 

The next day was very hectic. Jo, Lindsay, Lisa MacLoed, and a few other women whose husbands had worked with Don showed up to start getting the food ready for after the service. After that was done, the women left to get dressed for the service. Danny thanked them, and Lindsay asked how Jackson was. Just as Danny was about to answer, Jackson came into the living room in his bathrobe. When Jackson had seen everything they had done, he thanked them for their kindness. Lindsay had a chance to talk to Jackson and surmised that he was holding up well. Lisa, on the other hand, could see the cracks in the facade but decided not to comment. After the women left, Jackson commented that they really had done a wonderful job and Danny agreed. He went on to say that they needed to start getting ready for the service.

The church was overflowing with mourners and friends alike. Even officers who'd had a beef with Don in the past came to pay their respects. The service was kept simple, just like Don would have wanted, and it was all over in about an hour. After the people started filing out of the church, the priest presented Jackson with the urn. He, Danny, and Mac left by the side entrance and headed for home. Once there, they guys changed their clothes and prepared to meet the visitors that were coming. When Danny asked where Jackson wanted the urn placed, Jackson opted for placing it on the credenza with a photo of Don that Danny had taken one weekend in Strawberry Fields. Jackson went to the bedroom for a minute or two to collect himself and Mac asked the one question that had been bothering him.....

“Danny, how is Jackson?”

“Mac, I wish I knew. Other than a few crying jags last night and this morning, that's been about it.....”

“It's going to hit him sooner or later, and when it does.....”

“I know what you mean..... all I can do is be there to try and catch him when he falls.....”

“On that note, how are you holding up?”

“Ahh, you know me, Mac.... I can fake my way through anything.....”

“Danny, if either of you ever need to talk, you know where to find me.....”

 

People began to arrive and Mac helped Danny greet everyone while Jackson sat alone on the sofa. He was polite to everyone who offered their condolences, but there was a cold undertone. People began to notice and not wanting to upset Jackson more than he already was, they started talking amongst themselves. Of course the talk got around to Danny and he went over to check on Jackson.....

“How ya holding up, babe?”

“Fine...”

“Are you sure?”

“I am.....”

“Is there anything you need?”

“I need to wake up from this nightmare.....”

Danny understood exactly what he meant. He decided to try to start winding things down because he really wanted some time alone with Jackson. Eventually the crowd started thinning and Danny overheard Jackson telling Lisa that he was ready for this to be over because he had a massive headache and wanted to lay down. Danny took that as he cue to hustle the rest of the people out as politely and quickly as possible.

Everyone but Mac, Jo, Lindsay, and Lisa had gone. The women were cleaning the kitchen and tending the food. Jo popped into the living room and asked Jackson about all the cakes and casseroles that were left. Jackson replied that everyone was welcome to take some food with them because there was more than he and Danny could possibly eat. He also told her that if she knew of a homeless shelter or soup kitchen that could use the food that it would be okay to donate it to them. When the kitchen was tidy again, Danny thanked everyone and told them that he and Jackson wanted to lay down and rest for a while. Everyone took their leave and Jackson and Danny were finally alone. Danny was about to suggest an early night when Jackson beat him to it.

Danny went out onto the fire escape to have one last smoke. He was tired , sad, and more than a bit puzzled. He thought of Don for a while, remembering things about when they worked together, and other more intimate things. He turned his thoughts to Jackson. God only knew what was on his partner's mind. The man could be moody and temperamental, but he could be loving and caring at the same time. Don always said that was part of Jackson's appeal. Danny finished his smoke and went inside. He made sure everything was locked up tight and headed for bed. As he approached the bedroom door, he could hear Jackson sobbing. He opened the bedroom door and the sight that greeted him nearly broke his heart. Jackson had Don's pillow, clutching it for dear life, while crying his eyes out. Danny sat down on the bed and drew Jackson to him, murmuring words of love and comfort. The tears he'd been holding in finally started to flow and he gave himself over to them without hesitation. The two men fell asleep in each others arms.

The next morning found the guys numb. Both men were lost in their thoughts; Jackson thinking about Don, and Danny wondering if he and Jackson had a future.....

“Jax, I think we need to talk.....”

“What's on your mind, Dan?”

“Where do we go from here?”

“What do you mean, Danny?”

“I mean us, you and I..... what happens now?”

Jackson could see the fear and uncertainty in Danny's eyes, and it broke his heart. He walked over to him and pulled him into his arms.....

“Babe, you have nothing to worry about. You and I are fine.....”

“Really?”

“Yes. Danny, just because we lost Donnie doesn't mean we have to lose each other. I still love like I always have, and that won't change.”

“You promise?”

“I do..... now come on and dry your eyes. It's gonna be alright.....”

 

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

Don sat on the side of the bed silently weeping. The dream he'd awakened from was so sad, and terrifying. It wasn't very often you got a glimpse of what life would be like after you were gone. He'd seen the toll it had taken on his friends and and the two men he loved, and that had shaken him. He turned to look at Jackson and Danny as they slept. He gently kissed them both and whispered;”I'm not going anywhere.....”

THE END


End file.
